CSI: MIAMI Therapy Session
by random-antics-echelon
Summary: Dennis is a therapist who has a very interesting session with one goofy CSI team. The turnout is suprising and unexpected. oneshot.


-1CSI: MIAMI THERAPY SESSION

Ok, this may sound retarded, and this is my first fic, but bare with me!

Summary: The csi team is in a therapy session that turns out interesting in an unexpected way.

I only own the receptionist, Denny Shaw, not the rest. So don't sue me.

It was a hot day in Miami, and Denny Shaw had a big job ahead of him. He was a therapist, and he had a large group at once today. He had been given the names and told that they were a csi team with the Miami Dade Crime Lab. He had also been briefed on why they were there…tension in the group.

_This shouldn't be that hard, crimalists always come out good in the end. _He smiled as he walked into the room. The chairs were all in a circle so everyone could face each other. Denny was surprised when he walked in the room.

There were nine people in the room. They all had various expressions on their faces. Eric Delko sat in the corner with a bottle of peroxide and a stuffed bunny that was in shambles. Alexx Woods, the medical examiner, sat next to him with a rather frustrated look on her face. She was tapping her foot rather loudly and disturbing the other people. Tim Speedle was kicked back in his chair as if it were a recliner. He was making eyes and Natalia Boa Vista, the new girl. She looked back at him, rather confused and slightly scared. She wouldn't stop twitching either. Caleigh Duquesne and Maxine Valera were seated on either side of the new guy, Ryan Wolfe. Caleigh was clutching Ryan's right arm, and it seemed as if she was ready to throw a chair at Valera. Valera, who was clutching Ryan's left arm, was glaring daggers at Caleigh. Ryan sat in the middle of the two looking like a frightened rabbit who had just been attacked by a pack of wild chickens. Rick Stetler sat across from Horacio, and was looking at him with a strange expression. It was a cross between confusion and pity. Horacio sat in the farthest corner, sulking. A pair of broken sunglasses in his lap.

"Good morning everybody," Denny said as he entered the room. He sat down in a chair so he could face everyone. "Ok," he said, "who would like to start?"

A moment of silence followed before Eric finally stood. "Um..hi, I'm Eric."

"Well, duh!" Alexx said. Rick snickered from the other side of the room. Eric sent him a death glare. He shut up, resuming his staring at Horacio.

"Anyway," Eric began. He stopped..his eyes suddenly filled with tears. Then he started sobbing into the bunny he was holding.

"What's wrong, Eric. You can tell me," Denny said, looking concerned.

Eric suddenly pointed an accusatory finger at Alexx. "She killed my Pickles!" He held up the rabbit, stuffing now falling from it. He took the peroxide bottle and attempted to get the bunny to drink it. He sobbed harder when it failed to do so. "She tried to do an autopsy on him! She killed him!"

"Eric, you moron, the rabbit was already dead," Alexx said, looking at Eric. "He wasn't stuffed for the fun of it."

Suddenly Eric got pale. "Already dead? NO! NOT MY PICKLES!" Eric suddenly began to do CPR on the stuffed rabbit. When he couldn't revive it, he stood. "I'm taking Pickles to the hospital, they can still save him." He ran for the door, shooting an angry glare at Alexx who was cracking up in the corner.

"Pickles!" Horacio shouted. He grabbed his broken sunglasses and sobbed harder. "Too many murders!"

"Would you like to go next, Mr. Caine?" Denny asked, still slightly surprised from Eric's grand exit.

Horacio looked up and nodded. He stood and set the broken glasses down gently on his chair. "I'm…(sob)…Horacio, and…(sob)..this..freak…killed…(sob)…my Francisco!" He sat on the floor and cried harder. He pointed to a bewildered looking Rick and shouted, "My Francisco! You freak!"

"Horacio, who exactly _is _ Francisco?" Denny asked, writing notes on a clipboard.

Horacio stood and pointed to his seat. "Francisco," he replied, picking up his sunglasses. "He sat on him! Said he didn't see him! He SAT on him!" Horacio was shaking he was sobbing so hard. On the other side of the room, Caleigh pretended to be torn apart by the issue just to get Ryan to hug her. Valera got mad and pulled Ryan closer. Ryan still looked frightened.

"You're an idiot," Rick said. "I mean, come on! Who names their sunglasses! You shouldn't put them places where people like to sit! This is your fault!"

Horacio turned a shade of crimson, kinda matching his shirt. He suddenly threw himself at Rick and attempted to strangle him. "Call me an idiot one more time," Horacio said.

Rick looked at him. "Idiot."

"AHHH!"

"Ahh! Save me!" Rick was pinned to the floor by Horacio. Denny and Tim jumped up and yanked Horacio off him.

"Calm down man," Tim said. He started acting macho, and flashed a huge grin at Valera, obviously not caring bout the new girl. She twitched too much. Valera ignored it, she was too interested in Ryan. Angry at his failure, Tim sat back down and glared daggers at Ryan. Ryan almost peed himself, and he would have run if Caleigh and Valera were not holding onto him as if he were a life raft.

Horacio righted himself and nodded. "I must go, Francisco needs to be buried." He looked at Rick. "You're not invited!" He sat down at his seat momentarily with the glasses on his lap. He reached into his bag and pulled out a small box and a miniature flag. He put the glasses in the box and placed the flag on top. Everyone watched him leave. Rick snorted, and acted as if nothing had happened.

"Ok," Denny said. He was a little freaked out by now. "Who is next?" Natalia raised her hand timidly. "Yes, Natalia, you may go next."

Natalia stood and looked at everyone. They stared back as if they were waiting for her to start break dancing. She twitched, the suddenly blurted out, "I am the walrus!" Then she sat back down.

"Don't you mean the mole?" Ryan asked from his seat. Caleigh and Valera looked at him expectantly.

"Um..yes, that's what I meant to say. (twitch) I just thought (twitch) walrus would be more fun!" She smiled, then frowned when Ryan glared at her. She twitched again.

"And you accused me!" Ryan stood up. "You said I was the mole! You made me look bad! And stop twitching!"

"I sent you a sorry basket." (twitch)

"I told you, I am _allergic_ to colorful goldfish crackers!"

"Do you eat the regular ones?"

"Yeah, why?"

"They are made with the same stuff."

"Oh my God! I'm gonna die!" Ryan turned sheet white. "I don't feel so good," he replied, holding his stomach and sitting down slowly. Caleigh and Valera almost instantly grabbed him and hugged him like mad.

"You're messed up," Natalia said. "I try to say sorry and you accuse me of trying to poison you with crackers! (twitch) Fine! Be that way!" (twitch) With that, she stormed out of the room in a fury. Ryan was shaking slightly, but his face turned the normal color again.

By now, Denny was confused at why he had become a therapist. _Maybe because it is the good money_ he thought. _Or maybe it was because it said "beach condo included," which it wasn't! Oh well._ "Um, ok. Who is next then?" Valera stood up, half dragging Ryan with her. "Ok, miss Valera, what's your problem?"

Valera turned and pointed at Caleigh. "That! She is my problem! She won't keep away from my man!" She pulled Ryan away from Caleigh and wrapped her arms around him. Caleigh got angry and stood up.

"Since when is he _your_ man! He is mine! I saw him first!" Caleigh grabbed at Ryan and pushed Valera. She fell and landed right in Tim's lap. He looked at her and smiled.

"Hey, babe, wanna go out sometime?" He put is arms around her and tried to kiss her.

"No!" Valera shrieked. She pushed away from Tim, who fell into an artificial tree behind his seat. He got stuck, and Valera laughed, pleased with her work. She ran back to Ryan and grabbed is arm. "Come on Ryan! You know you love me! Don't listen to that bimbo!"

"Oh, you did not just call me a bimbo," Caleigh said, her eyes aflame. Ryan was really starting to get scared now.

Tim finally got out of the tree. "I am tired of this!" He pointed at Ryan. "I hate you!"

"Mr. Speedle, would you tell me why you hate Ryan?" Denny was completely lost now. He had stopped taking notes a long time ago.

"He gets all the girls!" Tim looked like he wanted to shoot Ryan. "It's not fair! What does he have that I don't!"

"He's hot," Caleigh said.

"And he shaves his beard," Valera said.

"Get a hair cut man, it would do you justice," Ryan said. Tim fumed, and he realized he should not have made that comment. Now scared for his life, he hid behind Caleigh and Valera. Valera went for him, but Caleigh pushed her.

"Witch!" she shouted, and she jumped at Caleigh. The two girls began to fight, and they rolled away from Ryan, leaving him defenseless. Alexx ran to stop the girls, seeming to forget her two boys and their dilemma.

"Please don't kill me," Ryan said, looking at Tim. He was terrified, and backed into a corner of the room.

"Oh, I'm gonna worse than kill you," Tim said, closing in on Ryan. "I'm gonna _shave_ your head."

"NO!" Ryan covered his head with his arms and screamed like a sissy girl. Upon hearing his call for help, Valera and Caleigh forgot their fight and ran to save him. They tackled Tim and knocked him to the floor. Then they ran to Ryan.

"Are you ok, love?" Valera grabbed him and passionately kissed him.

"No! He's mine," Caleigh yelled. She pushed Valera away. Grabbing Ryan around the waist, she pulled him to her and hissed him even more passionately. Ryan felt awkward and trapped. He was confused at why the two girls were fighting over him.

"Stop it!" Valera went to tackle Caleigh, but accidentally hit Ryan. It knocked him on top of Caleigh. She smiled, Valera fumed. "That's IT!" At that, she yanked Ryan off Caleigh and proceeded to drag him out of the room.

"No! Come back!" Caleigh jumped up and chased her. She too grabbed Ryan and pulled him out the door. Ryan cried again. The girls bumped into Horacio, who was returning from burying his glasses. Ryan tried to grab for Horacio for help, but he was out of the room and the doors were closed.

"Baby! Come back!" Tim ran out the door behind Valera.

"Mr. Caine, you're back," Denny said, surprised. He was trying his hardest to ignore Ryan's girly and unearthly screams fading down the hallway. They were followed by Valera and Caleigh's bickering and Tim's constant marriage proposals to Valera.

Suddenly Alexx's phone rang. She answered it. "Hello?" She held the phone away from her ear. A voice was screaming at the other end.

"You killed Pickles! He's dead and it's your fault!" It was Eric screaming about the stuffed bunny.

"He was already dead!" she yelled back. "I told you..hello? Idiot!" He had hung up on her. "I'm gonna kill him..I'm gonna kill him and they will NEVER find the body! I'll bury him and his stupid toy rabbit together!" She stormed out of the room, leaving only Horacio, Denny, and Rick.

Rick hesitated for a moment, then approached Horacio, who refused to even stare at him. "I um…I wanted to give these to you as an apology for the glas…Francisco," he said. He put a small package on the empty seat next to Horacio. Horacio opened the package slowly and carelessly. Then his eyes lit up.

"Oh my god! Rick! They're beautiful!" Horacio pulled out a new pair of black sunglasses. They were nicer than Francisco. Horacio cried again, then practically pounced on Rick out of glee. "Thank you! I love them! I shall name him Rick Van Caine!" He put on the sunglasses and smiled like a kid in a candy store.

"You're welcome," Rick said. He was surprised at Horacio. He stood, took Horacio's hand, and led him out of the room. Denny didn't even want to know where they were going.

By now, Denny sat by himself in an empty room. "My god, what _was_ that all about!" he said. He sat and pondered for a moment. He then gathered his things and ran out to the receptionist desk. "Criminalists," he said. He stopped at the desk and picked up the phone. He called his wife. "Sweetie? I have great news,"

"You saved a bunch of money on our car insurance by switching to Geico? Finally!"

"No."

"Oh, then what?"

Denny beamed at the phone. "I quit."

END

Yay! Very fun to type. Hoped you like it, would appreciate reviews. Lemme know if you have any question. Thanks again!


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